Struwwelpeter is a book of moral tales and lessons familiar to many children in German-speaking countries. Inspired by Heinrich Hoffman’s book, Shoot Farken presents Der Beißende Luis (The Biting Luis), five moral tales from the life of Luis Suarez.
Just look at him! there he stands,
With his nasty teeth and hands.
See! his teeth are bared;
They are filed as sharp as knives;
And the toothy fool, I declare,
opens wide his mouth and fangs to bare;
Anything to me is sweeter,
Than to see Biting Luis.
I. The Story of Biting Luis
Nobody can say for certain or sure,
When Biting Luis first decided to gnaw;
Did he first put the bite on a nursery mate,
Or did he start with what’s on his plate;
Did he eat steak and chips when he was a child,
Was his home life bucolic, his temperament mild;
Biting Luis, your football skills are strong,
But exactly how was it you grew up so wrong;
That you developed this taste for human flesh,
Do you prefer it with a chianti or nice and fresh?
Tis such a shame to see your talent go to waste,
All just because you have such strange taste.
II. When Biting Luis was Caught Red Handed
Poor Biting Luis stood confused on the line,
He stood and watched and hoped it was fine;
But his friend the goalkeeper surely was beat,
Ghana would put La Celeste out on their feet;
The ball hurtled towards him, it came very fast,
Poor Biting Luis as villain was cast;
A thought flashed through his muddled mind,
Oh puto! he thought, he was in such a bind;
In football we play only with feet and our head,
For to raise his arms would surely mean red;
But raise them he did and his hand punched the ball,
Uruguay was saved but Biting Luis took the fall.
III. When Biting Luis Took a Dive
Biting Luis rolled and rolled across the green grass,
He clutched at his knee and ankle did clasp;
He grimaced in pain and raised an arm in surrender,
He could not go on against this brutish defender;
The referee sprinted as fast as he could,
Across to the defender who stood there like wood;
Petrified by the punishment he was about to receive,
The defender looked at Biting Luis who had feigned to deceive;
Luis slyly looked back and gave him a wink,
I’m no one’s fool what do you think!
But then a strange thing did happen,
not normal at all;
The referee told Biting Luis get up off the floor,
I know your caper it won’t wash anymore;
The referee reached into his pocket fishing around,
He pulled out a red and sent Luis off the ground.
IV. The Story of Biting Luis and the Inky Boy
Oh poor Biting Luis so misunderstood,
Can’t these people see you are good;
What was it you called that inky boy,
That wooly-headed black-a-moor;
What did you call this on-field foe,
Biting Luis did you call him negro?
These people who say you called him a name,
They must be lying playing a game;
Oh poor Biting Luis so misunderstood,
Can’t these people see you are good;
You say you called him negro in a nice way,
As black is the night and white is the day;
But these English they just don’t comprehend,
How when you say negro you really mean friend;
And then you’re expected to shake inky boy’s hand,
Even after his black words got you banned;
Oh poor Biting Luis so misunderstood,
Can’t these people see you are good.
V. Biting Luis Play Nicely With Your Friends
It is true,
Nobody likes Albert Luque,
And nobody likes Joey Didulica;
But Biting Luis you must play nice,
You must keep in check your moral vice.
It is true,
Nobody likes the Ghanaian Black Stars,
And nobody likes Otman Bakkal;
But Biting Luis you must play nice,
You must keep in check your moral vice.
It is true,
Nobody likes Patrice Evra,
And nobody likes the English FA;
But Biting Luis you must play nice,
You must keep in check your moral vice.
It is true,
Nobody likes Fulham fans,
And nobody likes David Moyes;
But Biting Luis you must play nice,
You must keep in check your moral vice.
It is true,
Nobody likes Mansfield Town,
And nobody likes Branislav Ivanovic;
But Biting Luis you must play nice,
You must keep in check your moral vice.
It is true,
Nobody likes Giorgio Chiellini,
And nobody likes FIFA;
But Biting Luis you must play nice,
You must keep in check your moral vice.
