Christmas and popular music, oil and water. Almost every popular music artist, in every genre, under the sun (or in this case the Star of Bethlehem) has a go at it and it usually results in trite, hackneyed fare destined for the bargain bins of your slowly disappearing local record store. Remember them.
However, every now and again an artist would nail the Christmas song concept, and in all sorts of musical styles. Shoot Farken has selected a tune for each of the 12 days of Christmas to help get you through the festive season. So, get your mum’s Bublé Xmas CD, get a hammer, break it into little pieces, put on Shoot Farken’s 12 Songs for the 12 Days of Christmas and press PLAY.
On the first day of Christmas my true love played for me
“Christmas Wrapping” by The Waitresses (1981)
The greatest Xmas pop song ever recorded. Like an episode of Girls set in the heady No Wave scene of early 80’s New York, where punk, disco and rap were getting mashed up to create a form of “mutant disco.” In this Pulitzer Prize worthy episode, Patty Donahue finally gets her man in the final moments of Christmas Eve.
Christmas Day… sorted. Merry Xmas, Patty.
On the second day of Christmas my true love played for me
“Merry Crassmas” by Crass (1981)
Anarcho-punk pranksters (and Maggie Thatcher’s favourite band) provide the Casiotoned soundtrack to our mundane consumer-driven quest to grab a bargain during the Boxing Day sales. Make sure to stick around for Santa’s special greeting at the end.
On the third day of Christmas my true love played for me
“Merry Christmas (I Don’t Want To Fight Tonight)” by The Ramones (1989)
Because, even after only two days, tempers will be fraying everywhere across this wide brown land. So, here is Joey with a reminder for all you lovebirds.
I love you and you love me
And that’s the way it’s got to be
I loved you from the start
‘Cause Christmas ain’t the time for breaking each other’s hearts
On the fourth day of Christmas my true love played for me
“Come On Santa Let’s Have A Ball” by Kay Martin and Her Body Guards (1962)
That’s right, Christmas holiday time isn’t a time for fightin’, it’s a time for some good ol’ fashioned lovin’. If Santa and Kay Martin can get down and dirty under the Christmas tree…then what’s stopping you??
On the fifth day of Christmas my true love played for me
“Trim Your Tree” by Jimmy Butler (1954)
Well, ahem, it looks like things are definitely warming up under the Christmas tree and attention is being paid to another species of shrubbery. Why didn’t they play this song at Carols by Candlelight?
I’m gonna bring along my hatchet,
my beautiful Christmas balls
I’ll sprinkle my snow all on your tree
hang a mistletoe on your walls
On the sixth day of Christmas my true love played for me
“Back Door Santa” by Clarence Carter (1968)
Watch out boys, while you’re out attending a sporting event during the festive season, Clarence might be paying your girl a visit…and he certainly knows how to stroke it.
They call me Back Door Santa
I make my runs about the break of day
I make all the little girls happy
While the boys are out to play
On the seventh day of Christmas my true love played for me
“Christmas Rappin” by Kurtis Blow (1979)
Bang bang boogie, say, up jump the boogie, to the rhythm of the boogie, the beat. Guess what hipsters? According to the New York Times, classic old school Hip-Hop is cool again. And the hipster thing to do on New Year’s Eve is get into your lowrider, pop down the windows and belt out “Christmas Rappin,” the first ever rap single released on a major label. Kurtis Blow’s second single, “The Breaks,” rap music’s first ever gold record, sold over 500,000 copies. 10-year-old Jay-Z was dancing to it in his Bed-Stuy housing project. The rest is history, kids.
On the eighth day of Christmas my true love played for me
“Fairytale Of New York” by The Pogues (1987)
No Christmas playlist can be complete without this song. Forever rest in peace Kirsty MacColl.
“You scumbag, you maggot
You cheap lousy faggot
Happy Christmas, your arse
I pray God it’s our last”
On the ninth day of Christmas my true love played for me
“Sleigh Ride” by The Ronettes (1963)
It’s hot, damn hot. Another bloody unrelenting Aussie heatwave. Oh, for a sleigh ride in a Northern hemispherical “Winter Wonderland”. He might very well be a very naughty egomaniac, but pop music mastermind Phil Spector delivered the greatest Christmas album ever recorded, A Christmas For You. Brian Wilson loved it so much, he named it as his favourite album.
On the tenth day of Christmas my true love played for me
“Just Like Christmas” by Low (1999)
Imagine if The Velvet Underground converted to Mormonism, moved to very, very cold, very wintry Minnesota and had kids, and those kids started an indie band. Well, that’s Low. A band, that in the nineties pioneered the sadcore/slowcore sound by laying down some chillingly beautiful minimalist harmonies that even atheist indie kids dug. In 1999 Low put out a Christmas EP. It begins with the lovely restrained pop sounds of “Just Like Christmas.” Explore a bit further and you’ll discover a wonderful version of Elvis Presley’s “Blue Christmas” and a song which ended up in a GAP ad. Talk about commercial success.
On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love played for me
“Silent Night” by Can (1976)
So you still think you’re too cool for Christmas. What if I told you that even Can, the uber-legendary practioners of Krautrock, could not resist getting into Yuletide spirit with their own Christmas single. And what a cracking little version it is too. Not feeling so cool, are you now?
On the tweltfth day of Christmas my true love played for me
“Christmas Card From A Hooker In Minneapolis” by Tom Waits (1978)
The holidays are almost over and you receive a Christmas card from Minneapolis. You give it to Tom Waits so he can read it to you in his gravelly voice. He segues beautifully with “Silent Night” and he begins…
Hey Charlie I’m pregnant and living on 9th Street
Right above a dirty bookstore off Euclid Avenue
And I stopped takin dope and I quit drinkin whiskey
And my old man plays the trombone and works out at the track
A song of utter genius with a splendid twist at the end.
Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year from the Shoot Farken crew.
After the HMHB songs on the football songs list, what about this one? http://youtu.be/cxqQtUQErhQ
Thanks BNE Shrimper. Every topic HMHB touched turned to gold, even Xmas